Golden Hour

Our time in Kanchanaburi finished, it was time to head back to Bangkok (seriously with that city) and get the much anticipated overnight train north to Chiang Mai.  Much anticipated, indeed.  Let me explain:  Stacy and Jenny had both done overnight trains in Europe, and while Carlyn and I had been on trains in Europe, none of them had been sleeper trains – we were stupid excited.  We had bought our tickets days before we even went to Kanchanaburi so we could be sure to get beds and all be together.  In our heads, we were anticipating mobile accommodations not unlike if the Hogwarts Express had beds, or the compartment where Terry McKay and Nicky Ferrante hook up in An Affair to Remember – Cary Grant not included I suppose.  What we were picturing was a cozy compartment to ourselves with red velvet seats that became cushy beds, a sliding door and a hallway just outside with a magical cart-pushing woman selling chocolate frogs.  You know what they say about great expectations.  Naturally what we got was something a lot closer to a coal train along the Monongahela than anything that ever pulled into Platform 9¾.  Our ridiculous excitement soon melted.  Literally melted.  It was a hundred degrees and our legs were sticking to vinyl. 

SO sweaty!

Anyhow, we made it to Chiang Mai relatively unscathed, though we did feel completely repulsive and in desperate need of a shower.  A shower was not to be had though because immediately after getting off the bus at the Chiang Mai bus station (not the railway station, mind you, because we had to get off the train at some outskirt of Chiang Mai and board a bus for a two hour drive into Chiang Mai and then a sawng taeo to yet another bus station) we waited a couple hours and boarded another bus for the four hour drive to Chiang Rai.  It was nothing but non-stop travel, and we were dirty.  Like I mean so greasy and disgusting that I was actually wearing a hat. 

We were staying at a place called Bamboo Nest and they had agreed to pick us up for free at the bus station since we booked two nights.  After some confusion because we’d gotten off at the wrong bus station (both bus stations in Chiang Rai are called “Chiang Rai Bus Terminal 2,” so figure that one out), we stuffed ourselves and our luggage into Noi’s teeny tiny Jeep.  It was a teeny tiny Jeep because he was a teeny tiny man, but seriously four normal sized North Americans could not fit comfortably inside and I spent most of the ride trying to peel myself off Jenny’s lap.

Our bungalow!!

View from the porch

Jenny couldn't figure out how to use the
hammock and is sitting on the ground.

It was a harrowing ride up to Bamboo Nest and at one point, Stacy, who was sitting on the right side of the Jeep, flung herself across Jenny and I for fear that the whole thing was going to topple over the side of the mountain.  After a good hour, we arrived at Bamboo Nest.  We tripped over each other, tumbling out of the car.  The vista before us was something out of National Geographic.  We were perched at the very top of a mountain overlooking acres and acres of bamboo forests.  Where there wasn't lush jungle, smoke was rising from charred fields.  Noi and Noi, the owners and unanimous winners of the Most Adorable Couple (and also Tiniest Couple) award, explained that this was because we had arrived in the middle of the “slash-and-burn” season, when local hill tribes illegally burn down their fields.  It is a version of crop rotation, the burners claiming that the ashes act as good fertilizer for the next time crops make it back to the burned field, but is actually illegal now.  The government, realizing that the yearly decimation of land was insane and terrible for the environment made slash-and-burn illegal and planted acres of rubber trees with the thinking that in eight years the trees will be producing rubber, and there will be no need to burn anything down and move farms. I guess the hill tribes are disinclined to acquiesce to the word of the government (even if it does make sense) and continue burning during the night.  The government, either too lazy or too frightened to do anything while the fires are burning, consistently show up to inspect after everything is already charred and have yet to put a stop to the practice.  As such, the air quality in the north of Thailand ranges from pretty smoky to holy-hell-my eyes-are-burning smoky.  It’s quite the phenomenon.  Despite the smoke, our view from our simple bungalows (hold the phone, they had hot water AND flushing toilets!!) was still freaking spectacular.  

Noi was possibly the most manic little spaz of a man ever, and he was nothing but a blur of wild hair as he bustled around Bamboo Nest doing all the jobs there were to do.  He picked us up at the bus station, showed us to our bungalows, cooked us dinner, and until at least 11pm, was building away on a new bungalow under the glow of his head lamp.  We loved this guy. 

This effer was terrorizing us at breakfast.  It was
at least two and a half inches long!  We were certain
it would kill us if it stung us.

The next morning we ordered breakfast which be brought to us by proudly declaring “farang barbeque!” in an adorable sing-song voice (We had ordered toast with jam and butter and fruit salad).  Then he took us trekking through the jungle.  And I do mean through the jungle.  He laughed because we were wearing dresses, but really it was far too hot to be wearing anything else, and we forgot our tennis shoes.  Never mind though, because he still had us hopping over rocks, wading through streams and sliding down muddy banks as he pointed out the slash-and-burn fields, plants the hill tribes use for nearly everything (very resourceful bunch they are), made us bamboo walking sticks and scared off some menacing water buffalo.  At one point he told us he was going to cut down a shaft of bamboo to cook with and then disappeared, leaving us staring down the water buffalo who was again getting dangerously close to us.  He and his dog Kao (“white”…also “rice” …and likely something else) came back just in time to scare off the buffalo once more.

Carlyn and I had backed away in terror, but
Jenny stood WAY too close for comfort to this guy.

Noi making us bamboo walking sticks.

Trekking in dresses and flip-flops, naturally.

There must have been a two foot height difference.

We made our way through the jungle to village of the Lahu hill tribe.  The Lahu are the tribe that has best assimilated into Thai culture.  They no longer wear the neck rings to (grotesquely, in my opinion) stretch their necks, and just live simple lives in their bamboo homes, which we realized were what our bungalows were modeled after.  We stopped at one of the homes where Noi pulled supplies out of his fraying backpack, chopped the shaft of bamboo into three smaller ones and showed us how to fill the bamboo with rice.  Excited to be helping out with what would become our lunch, the three of us shoveled the rice into the bamboo, creating one giant mess (we swept it up ourselves).  He then roasted the bamboo over the fire for a while and the mother who lived in the tiny one-room house (with her husband and four children) cooked up some chicken for us.  Noi showed us how to peel off the hard outside of the bamboo to eat the sticky rice and soft bamboo core on the inside.  It was delicious as was the chicken with which the woman had provided some spices for dipping.  The most we could say to her in appreciation was only “thank you” in Thai because the Lahu don’t actually speak Thai.  They speak their own Burmese/Thai hill tribe dialect that is totally different.  For dessert, she cut up fresh pineapple for us.  We lounged on the deck for a while longer playing with a miniature cat while pigs and chickens and dogs and children wandered freely around and beneath us.

A bit of color amid the charred fields.

"What the hell are these farangs doing in my house?"

This cat was the tiniest thing ever and probably
a lot filthier than she looked, but we played
with her anyways.

Lahu village

This pig spent at least a minute and a half
furiously scratching its butt on this rock.

Cooking the sticky rice in bamboo over the fire.
This was about half of the home that housed
six people.

After we left the Lahu village, we trekked down to the Mae Kok River to wait for a boat.  The boat took longer than expected to arrive and in the meantime, our legs got crazy bit up by some kind of microscopic and unidentified bug.  Fifteen minutes later it looked like we had smallpox.  “Are we sick?” Carlyn wearily asked Noi as we examined our legs.  “Ohh,” he groaned as he checked out the bites.  “Not sick.  Just ugly.”  Awesome. 

Bridge that you couldn't pay me to walk over,
buteveryone was braving on motorbikes!

Scary bridge over the Mae Kok River

We took the boat not five minutes before he made us get out again and trek up a hill to the village of the Akha hill tribe.  While the Lahus were welcoming and interesting to watch, the Akha were scary as hell.  We were genuinely frightened when three women dressed in traditional Burmese hill tribe garb surrounded us chanting “Hello.  Ten baht.” – the only English they knew according to Noi – in a creepy monotone.  They were trying to sell us jewelry but we wanted nothing more than to run away when they smiled at us revealing that what few teeth they had left along with their gums were dyed a terrifying shade of red-black.  It was caused, Noi explained, by a combination of betel nut (?), limestone and tobacco that they chewed throughout the day.  The stuff leaked out the corners of their mouths giving them the look of a freshly fed vampire, and when they spit, it looked like dark, deoxygenated blood.  My heart was pounding when Noi disappeared yet again leaving us alone with the women closing in around us.  Eventually when backing up would no longer suffice, since we had backed ourselves into a house, we each pressed ten baht into their palms, grabbed a bracelet, snapped a picture and took off down the hill to wait for Noi.  Thankfully he arrived just as the women started toward us again, and we headed back to the river, their haunting calls of “Hello.  Ten baht.” following us for far too long.

Right??!!

Back in the boat, Noi took us to an elephant camp where the elephants had just been packed away early to get ready for some sort of party.  Having been very excited to ride an elephant, Jenny was bitterly disappointed.  We told her to chill out, she can ride elephants everywhere.  Full disclosure:  I actually breathed a sigh of relief that the elephants were gone.  I’m not really that much of an animal person – I love most dogs and some cats, but even then they have to be impossibly cute – and the thought of actually having to touch the dry, dirty, prickly skin of an elephant – let alone ride it! – gave me an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.  Riding elephants is a big part of most people’s vacations in Thailand, but I’m perfectly happy keeping them at a safe distance and not touching or smelling them.

After the elephant camp, Noi left us as the hot springs while he went back to Bamboo Nest to fetch the Jeep.  I’ve never been to a hot spring before so I was a little taken aback by the offensive sulfuric odor emanating from the boiling hole in the ground, but Jenny and Carlyn explained that all hot springs smell like sulfur.  We weren’t enthused with the idea of submerging our entire bodies in the pool since we were already pretty hot and the water was warmer than bath water, but we did relax on the edge with our feet in watching a pervy white man try to hug naked Thai children (seriously).  At one point, Jenny was curious just how hot was the water pouring into the pool from a pipe attached to the boiling spring.  One can correctly imagine that the steam would mean it was at a boiling temperature, but she was still curious so she went over and stepped in the water that had just poured out and screeched in pain.  The water was so hot that she at first thought it was cold.  She came back with some angry burns on her feet, and a lesson learned. 

View from Pu Chi Fa

Exhausted from our all-day trek, we went to bed quite early, only to rise again at 2:00 in the morning.  We had arranged the night before for Noi’s wife Nok to take us to see the sunrise on Doi Pu Chi Fa, a spot famous for an amazing sunrise view.  Nok was a little hesitant at first, reminding us of the slash-and-burn’s effect on the skies.  It was smoky to be sure, but we wanted the experience anyhow and were sure we’d be satisfied with whatever it was we’d be able to see.  Noi told us to be ready at 2am and not realizing how far of a drive it was from Bamboo Nest we were at a loss as to why we needed to be ready at 2:00 for a sunrise at 6:30!  We did as we were told though and it turned out to be a three hour drive to the top of the mountain!  I was dumbfounded that Nok had agreed to take us on such a long journey, but it only went to prove how amazingly hospitable the two of them were.  We got to the end of the drivable part of the journey while it was still pitch black outside, and spilled out of the car (not the tiny Jeep this time, but a rather luxurious Toyota SUV – it was our impression that Noi was formerly from one of the hill tribes while Nok came from some considerable money) to find that the air was the chilliest we have yet felt in Thailand.  We wrapped ourselves in scarves and bought some “coffee,” and Nok directed us where to walk the rest of the way up the mountain.  We figured she wasn’t coming with us because she (understandably) wanted to nap in the car, but we came to realize that it was more likely because of the excruciatingly long and steep climb to the peak of Pu Chi Fa.  By the time we reached the top, I was sweating in the cold air and my lungs were burning something fierce (have I mentioned how out of shape we all are?).  Also of note – aside from one other white guy, we were literally the only farangs up there.  We were under the impression that Pu Chi Fa was a bit of a tourist trap, and while it may be such during the sunnier seasons, it was exclusively a Thai destination that day. 

So we perched ourselves on the edge of the world and waited for the sun to rise.  What came next was less of a sunrise, and more just a gradual sky-brightening.  Whether it was because of the smoke or because we were so, so high up, the sun never actually became visible, but that didn’t make the view any less impressive.  As it got lighter, we saw that we were on one of many peaks around us high enough to be above the clouds.  The clouds floated in tufts some fifty or so meters below us, giving the impression that we were on an island in the clouds and reminding me of the floating island of Laputa in Gulliver’s Travels (only I wasn’t sleep-inducingly bored like I was when I read that book).  We acted like crazy tourists, snapping pictures of everything in sight until we were satisfied enough to make our way back down to Nok. 

Eeshk!! 

Pensive :)

Little girls from the Hmong tribe

Not sure what was going on here, but I have a bad feeling it wasn't voluntary....

On the way to the Chiang Rai bus station, Nok gave us more facts about the slash-and-burn practices, and proved just as much a wealth of information as her husband.  She left us at the bus station and we promised that we’d return to Bamboo Nest (We all fully plan to fulfill this promise) while she reminded us to wear a “jumper” on the bus to fend off the brutal air conditioning.  Na rak! (So cute!)

The general consensus after we gushed for hours about the beauty of Bamboo Nest and how enamored of Nok and Noi we were was that two nights was not nearly enough time at that small piece of paradise.  We would need to return, preferably for at least a week.  First though, we’re all gonna need to make some money.

Adrift and At Peace

With teaching finished, we are now afforded some much-deserved travel time.  We want to see everything Thailand has to offer, but we’ve only got til the money runs out so these travels are a lesson in frugality…well it was until we got to the Sunday Night Walking Street Market in Chiang Mai, but that’s a different story.

After leaving Krabi, we hopped an overnight bus to Bangkok.  Since our school was paying for it, we spared no expense and happily gave them a receipt for the most expensive bus we could find.  Hey, they owed us after four months of 45-student classes!  The three of us chose seats at the bottom level of the bus where we were three of only six lucky people to sit away from the annoying baby screaming away upstairs.  We had tons of leg room and huge chairs!

Stacy had no where to put her neck pillow
on the bus, so she wore it like the Natalie
Portman character in Star Wars

We arrived in Bangkok before 5am, and if anyone is wondering if it is possible to negotiate with the cab drivers at this ungodly hour of the morning, I can tell you – it is not.  Since we had no clue where to go in Bangkok and literally the only place we knew was Khao San Road (the horrifyingly seedy, backpacker part of Bangkok where the longer you stay, the more your morals and personal hygiene deteriorate) so that is where we directed our cab driver.  Of course, he did not take us to Khao San, but rather to a hotel we could not afford in an area we’d never been.  Being so damn early in the morning though, we figured we’d just bite the bullet and pay for the expensive hotel room.  We would, after all, be getting two sleeps out of only one night (all three of us passed out on the king-sized bed within minutes of entering the room and slept until 10am and then would sleep there again that night) so whatever. 

Breakfast at a bagel place (which again we couldn’t afford, but try telling that to three girls starving for cream cheese who hadn’t seen bagels since Phuket) meant a brief meeting with six other OEG teachers, all on their way to some far-off place to enjoy the time off school.  We got a bit lost in the many shopping malls and sucked in by the sheer American-ness of the big, glowing Forever 21, but we did figure out how to navigate on the Sky Train – something which would decrease stress levels in the future to be sure.

Around 2am, my freshman year roommate Jenny arrived from the airport for her two-week visit, and we snuck her into our hotel room (they thought there was only three people in there).  We thought we were being stealthy, but I really doubt anyone noticed at 2am.  Bagels again the next morning (we really, really love bagels) before catching our bus to Kanchanaburi.

Kwai-Noi River

We found a lovely little guesthouse along the River Kwai (yes, that River Kwai) and met up with yet more OEG teachers (we are everywhere!) for dinner.  We ate at their guesthouse, the Jolly Frog, where the rooms were cute, the food was great, and the staff so did not want to be there.  It was actually hilarious how much the staff seemed to resent the customers.

Holding Flat Garrett and looking slightly freaked out
because the tiger started to move.

The next day was one of mixed emotions.  We took a trip to the Kanchanaburi Tiger Temple.  Here we were allowed to take pictures with and pet tigers that looked like they were heavily sedated.  It definitely got my adrenaline pumping to be touching the majestic animals, but we couldn’t help but feel like maybe something was up.  As we were leaving the picture area, the manically upbeat American man (most of the workers appeared to be farangs) who had ushered us in asked how it was for us.  All four of us made funny noises under our breaths and only Carlyn had the balls to speak up and say it was a bit weird.  It was clear the man had been brainwashed trained for this sort of reaction and swiftly asked if we had any questions.  Not wanting to come right out and ask if they drugged the tigers, Carlyn smartly asked “How do you get them to be so…calm?”  The man insisted that they feed and exercise the tigers in the morning and that this part of the day (to be fair, the “pet the tigers” window was actually quite a small time frame) was when the tigers were full and exhausted and too hot to do much of anything.  Not sure whether he was giving us the party line or if it was actually the truth, we continued on through the rest of the park debating how much of what he had said was true.  He had really seemed to believe what he told us, but that’s how everyone in a cult acts, right?

Playful teen cubs

Tattooed monks

Awww, he loves him!!

Keeping a lookout for Jim Jones, we came to another area of the park where teenage tiger cubs were rough-housing with one another.  The smallness of the enclosure and the murkiness of their pond made me ill at ease, but then we came to another area where the tigers were being lovingly handled by monks.  Here being the reason we had to come to this place in long pants and shirts with sleeves when with the weather what it was, we would have much rather been naked, we were at least glad to see that the monks appeared to treat the tigers with genuine affection.  Feeling slightly better that at least some people in this place were for real, we were further reassured when it was time to walk the tigers out of their enclosures to some other, supposedly larger area of the park.  So it turned out that the small play areas were just for the short part of the day when the tigers were available to humans, and the rest of the day they got to roam freely somewhere else – we hope.  We left with a better vibe than what we started with but still with a strange feeling of unease and more questions than answers.

This one was a little frisky, but beautiful!

After the unusual experience at the Tiger Temple, we were happy to spend the next day on a guided tour through some of Kanchanaburi’s more famous and beautiful places.  With a small group of thirteen people, we were led by Nan, the most adorable tour guide ever.  She was a tourism student at one of Kanchanaburi’s universities and this was something of an internship I suppose, but she hardly looked any older than twelve!  Her English was phenomenal though, and she let us practice a bit of Thai with her as she led us through Erawan National Park.

Erawan National Park is named as such because the main attraction of the park is Erawan Falls, a waterfall named after the erawan, the Thai name for the three-headed white elephant of Hindu mythology, Airavata – the seven-tiered falls are said to resemble the erawan.  I didn’t see the resemblance, but I didn’t look very hard.  We trekked the roughly 2km up the mountain to the seventh waterfall where we took pictures and swam in the freezing water.  I’ll never understand why some people find it so difficult to get the heck out of the way when others are taking pictures.  I so do not want randos in all of my pictures!  I tried my best to glare at the strange women invading our spaces, but they were too annoyingly happy to care that I was eye-daggering them to get the hell out of my shot!  There was for some reason an unusual number of butterflies and giant bees in the area and when we went to retrieve our things, Jenny’s shoes were covered in nine bees.  Mine were covered in what I though was butterfly poop, but upon closer inspection appeared to be mud.  On the way back to the bottom, we checked out the other six falls and stopped for a bit at Waterfall #5 where we slid down the giant rock slide into the pool below. 

Roommate reunion!

They were shooting a movie in the park and we were hoping that
 it was the movie Ryan Gosling has been shooting here since he's
 been sighted by other teachers in Bangkok, but no such luck,
we unfortunately did not run into him or his fine abs.

Waterfall #7

Butterflies everywhere!!

Stacy and I getting our asses
kicked by Waterfall #7

Sliding down Waterfall #5

Creating some movie magic - this did NOT smell good.

After lunch in the park, the next stop was the Burma-Thailand Death Railway where Allied prisoners of war were forced by the Japanese to work building the railroad connecting Thailand to Burma (now Myanmar) during the war.  We took a ride on the train along the railroad.  The scenery was beautiful, but we emerged sweaty messes.  I sat across from a French girl who was so the picture of me as a teenager that it was all I could do not to laugh and tell her to unclench.  She wore her hair in that typical teenager bangs-sprayed-across-my-face-even-though-I-can’t-see-a-damn-thing-and-my-forehead-is-sweating way, chomped on her gum like her life depended on it and rolled her eyes at nearly everything her parents or brother said.  Ohh how much of a headache I musta been!  My parents deserve medals….or y’know a vacation to Thailand.  Oh, wait…. J

Kwai-Yai River

Death Railway

The final stop of the day was at the Bridge Over the River Kwai – famous from the movie.  Contrary to how most Americans say the name of the river, it is actually pronounced kwae and the bridge actually spans the River Kwai-Noi, meaning Little Kwai.  The Kwai-Yai, near the railroad is the bigger of the two rivers and the three meet up in Kanchanaburi to form the Mae Klong River which empties into the Gulf of Thailand.  Three rivers just like at home!!  As was the case with the railway (so named Death Railway for the many casualties occurring during construction), the bridge and one parallel to it was constructed by British, American and Dutch prisoners of war during WWII.  During the war, the Allies bombed the bridge to keep the Japanese from transporting supplies.  The center of the bridge has since been rebuilt.

Bridge Over the River Kwai

Flat Garrett with a prime seat to view the famous bridge.

Our final night in Kanchanaburi was spent on the deck of our guesthouse where while enjoying some much-sought-after WiFi, a giant cockroach crawled up my pant leg.  Yeah, that happened.

Next stop:  Chiang Rai  J (Full disclosure, I've already been through Chiang Rai and am now at a cafe in Pai, but its entirely too difficult to keep this for reals up to date, so deal with it)