Minnesota is COLD.

So here I sit in the Minneapolis airport.....I realize that may seem misleading to some since I told everyone I was flying through Detroit. Turns out I'm flying through Minneapolis. I also got the airline wrong but that's neither here nor there (although according to Jane, its because I don't pay attention to details.) Anyhow, I haven't been outside, but just the little ramp from the plane into the gate was like twelve degrees below zero. Minnesota = c-c-cold.

Was anyone aware that they don't allow people who need "extenders" on their seatbelt (aka Fatty McFattersons) to sit in the exit rows of the airplane? Something I learned today. The flight attendant had to explain this to Jabba the Hutt in the seat in front of me as discreetly as she could....'cept when you look like the thing that made Princess Leia wear the gold bikini (I'll pause a minute to give the boys time to stop salivating) its difficult for the people around you not to draw their own conclusions.....similar to when Kennywood attendants have to tel people they can't physically ride the Pitt Fall. Everyone knows.

I decided to eat at the "Wolfgang Puck Gourmet Express" which turns out is neither gourmet or express, but the worst part is the bird that seems to have made its way into the airport and is now staring at me. Not kidding. Bird. Inside. The man its about to poop on seems unconcerned, however my heart rate has increased by a power of ten and I'm pretty certain its staring me down. I was planning on waiting until I got to Thailand to buy my first set of poison darts but there appears to be a pressing need for me to find some of those now. If my aim is accurate (which it usually isn't), that little feathered minion of Satan won't know what hit it until my Iocane powder (don't ask, just watch Princess Bride) tipped dart has completed its job.

I may be getting a little to dark and twisty for this early in the trip but DEAR GOD, THE BIRD HAS LANDED ON THE CHAIR IN FRONT OF ME!!! I seriously could not be making this up if I tried.

I kicked the chair. He flew away....because he knows who's the boss of him. ME. (Cue evil, bird-vanquishing laugh).