Something to Talk About

With some other teachers and student performers

I realize now that writing about New Years in Thailand was a bit premature since I never gave you all the deets on my very Thai Christmas.  I shall now remedy that injustice.

M2/10 girls decorating the board outside the classroom

Obviously in what is a primarily Buddhist country (and a province with an even higher Muslim population than the rest of the country), I wasn’t anticipating much of a Christmas celebration at all.  What I got was one of the strangest Christmas seasons I’ve ever experienced.

It turns out the kids are really into Christmas.  They decorated the English department with a tiny trimmed Christmas tree and little gift-wrapped boxes (we had a moment of panic when we thought maybe we were supposed to bring in presents for people, but the boxes were all definitely empty).

All lined up by color

Multicolored balloons at the Christmas party....naturally.

They brought out a couch because evidently the director is
 too far off  his high horse to sit in normal people chairs.

The director attempting to look intimidating while giving a speech
in English that he quite obviously understood none of....we
understood none of it either.

We were informed that there would be a Christmas party on Friday the 23^rd.  The kids would be singing songs and performing skits.  One of our favorite teachers, Bo, asked me “You write a skit for students to perform?”

“Sure,” I said.  I could write a skit, no problem.  “What about?”

“About the history of Christmas!”  I don’t think I can properly convey the wonder with which Bo said this to me, but her eyes were pretty large and she sounded like the announcer on The Price is Right when he tells a contestant they could win a motor home with a well-played game of Plinko.

Thais in Santa hats :)

“The history of Christmas?” 

“Yes! The beginning of Christmas.”

Surely I wasn’t being asked what I thought I was being asked. 

“You want a skit about…the….beginning …of Christmas?”  The Buddhist school wanted me to write a short play about the birth of a Christian savior?  The Christmas Story?  The actual Christmas story?  This had to be a miscommunication.

“Yessss.  History of Christmas,” she insisted.  “You know, Santa Claus and Christmas tree and ho ho ho!” 

Oh NOW I see.

So I split “Twas the Night Before Christmas” into speaking parts and added stage directions.

They managed to bastardize even this simple story, but it was still fun to watch.

The performers

The Christmas party was one of the more hilarious events I’ve ever attended, starting with the realization that it was actually more of a Christmas carnival than anything.  There were games that included some strange Thai version of Twister, and there were balloons….everywhere. 

Santa was verrryyy popular.

The emcees dressed in newspaper.  No explaination was given.

Thai Village People?

Soccer balls painted and glued into
sombreros look like Christmas lights!!

Thai Twister

Carlyn taught her M4s some Christmas carols:

Not only were Christmas songs performed, but normal songs as well.  This is a student singing "The Show" by Lenka:

If that seemed out of place at a Christmas party, it was nothing compared to the gyrating, dirty-dancing of these kids:

That’s two ladyboys and a girl in the middle.  In Thailand, “ladyboy” is basically a third gender, although they identify with girls over boys.  No one questions this here, it’s just accepted.  It’s a beautiful thing to witness such acceptance.  That said, it didn’t make me feel any less dirty after witnessing this performance.  The five farang teachers (three Americans and two Chinese) were left completely mouth-agape-astonished. 

These students performed an absolutely terrifying skit titled "One Missed Call."  It was about a snooty girl too wrapped up in herself to answer her mother's calls.  Then the mother was killed in a home invasion.  Also, the boyfriend had HIV.

An hour later, and that girl was still covered in fake blood.

This next video is from a skit called "The Symbol of Krabi" which I helped rehearse.  The kids won second place (by only 0.001 point!) at some English language competition outside of school.  I'm still not certain what it's about.  Basically just how Krabi became a province...and something about swords.  This is the beginning of the skit.  The kid singing "Don't Stop Believing" is Lettor.  No clue how Journey fits into the theme of this performance.  I had no idea Lettor was in one of my classes because he's never there until one day I had the kids working on a worksheet and he comes up and perches himself on my desk like The Nanny did to Mr. Sheffield (hiya Kaytie!!) and starts asking me like a million questions.  "Where did you go this weekend?"  "Where in America do you live?"  "Do you have a boyfriend?"  (When I said I was single, he reacted like he'd been shot.  It was weird.)  "How long are you in Thailand?"  This went on for like ten minutes until I asked him to show me where his name was on my grade sheet.  He flapped his hand back and forth and said "mai mee," which is this catch-all phrase Thais use to mean "it doesn't exist" or "don't have."  The literal translation is "without."  I took this to mean that he wasn't actually in my class, but was just sitting in here asking me a thousand questions that made me feel like Mary Kay Letourneau.  Later Stacy informed me that she has the same class and he is, in fact, in it.  "He's right here," she said pointing to the first name on the grade sheet.  "He just never comes."  So the "mai mee" actually meant "I am blatently ignoring what you've assigned for the day so I can sit here and question you about your love life."  Awesome. Anyhow, enjoy him do his best Steve Perry:

Because it's not Christmas without Ghostface:

Thailand isn't a very huggy culture, and as a very huggy person from a very huggy family, I am quite deprived of human contact.  However, that doesn't mean that they aren't a touchy culture.  They are.  They just do it differently.  They grab and poke and pinch to show affection.  Our coordinator is constantly pinching our arm fat.  Sometime I wish she wouldn't.  The kids are all really grabby with each other too.  They're always holding hands or clinging to arms.  It's totally cute.

The kids also love a white girl with a camera.  The second I pull out a camera, they go nuts, scrambling to be in the photo - especially if they can be in the photo with me.  And they always flash a peace sign.

The little girl on the left (my right) is Nang.  She is in my M2/6 class on Wednesdays and is the most adorable thing ever.  She meets me before class and walks with me and then walks me back to the English department, and she always insists on carrying my books.  One day I was having such a horrible day I wanted to throw students off cliffs when all of a sudden I hear "Teachaaa!!!" and Nang comes tearing across campus to give me a hug.  I want to pack her in my suitcase and bring her home with me.

There was of course, food stands set up everywhere.  They were manned by the students so right from the start I knew I wasn’t going to take anything that they touched with their grimy hands that have been god knows where on this campus – especially when they are trying to pass off a dish of pineapple, corn and mayonnaise as “fruit salad.”  MAYONNAISE.  On PINEAPPLE.  With CORN.  Gag.  I mean I’ll try new things, but really…gag.

"Hamburger" doesn't usually mean hamburger.  Sometimes
its fried pork on a bun.  Other times it might be something
that sorta kinda might taste a bit like beef but is really chicken.

The infamous "fruit salad"

Party's not over until kids start popping balloons.

Christmas Eve found us once again at Railay Beach and on Christmas Day, we got massages.  I’ve had two of these so far and I’m still not sure if I can conclusively say whether I like or dislike them.  I do know for certain that I do not bend that way thankyouverymuch.  And a foot in the crotch will never not be surprising.

Stacy and I wearing the funny little costumes they give you
for massages...they''re strange-looking but SO comfy!

Set up for Christmas on the beach

Flat Garrett in front of the Thai Christmas tree!

Experiencing a Thai Christmas has been something extraordinary to be sure, but if it’s taught me anything (and excuse me while I get a bit sappy for a minute), it’s that Christmas has nothing to do with the date.  It’s really about being around the people you love, talking and laughing and making fun of the relatives who couldn’t make it. 

And the occasional 25-person stomach flu.  (You KNOW what I’m talkin’ bout, Millers.  All others, consult Georgine’s side lawn for a graphic rundown.)

So in summary, I missed you all like crazy.  But I got to experience Christmas through the eyes of the Buddhists, so in yo American face J

Merry Christmas and Happy Fifth Seed from the displaced fan.
Ps.They're kidding themselves with this whole "Hairway to Seven
rigmarole.  Even I know that, and I'm in Asia (It's clever marketing though).