A few weeks ago, I started compiling a list. The list was three pages long when my computer decided to restart randomly as computers tend to do. The list was lost.
“But Sarah, didn’t you save?” you ask, to which I would respond, obviously not or I wouldn’t have said “the list was lost,” I would have said something like, “The list temporarily disappeared because I fed the Gremlins after midnight, but was magically recovered when Flora, Fauna, and Maryweather cast a recovery spell.” There is no such thing as a recovery spell – at least not outside the walls of Hogwarts – and so I have started a new list. It is not as spectacular as the old list, but hopefully with time it will surpass it. I will revisit the list as much as possible, adding new things that will shock you, surprise you, and make you a little jealous – or sometimes make you want to throw up…depends on my mood.
So here are some things I’ve learned over the past month in Thailand about the people, the culture, the food, the idiosyncrasies, and also just some totally random thoughts I have throughout the day:
§ Everyone drives like my grandma Mary (Hi Gram!). If you’ve ever driven with her, youknowwhatImtalkinbout. I’ve ceased watching the road because I’m always certain I’m going to die.
§ The Chinese (?) proverb that says “He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever” does not apply here. No one ever asks for clarification.
§ I’m beginning to think the answer to the question “What comes before Tuesday?” is “yes.” It is also the answer to “What is your favorite color?” and “Where are all your classmates?”
§ Remember Jello Jigglers? Remember what happened to Jello Jigglers when you left them in the fridge too long? They got that weird gelatin crusty thing on top and the inside got kind of hard but also kind of crunchy-squishy? That’s what the desserts are over here. I want to like them since everyone eats them and, its pretty standard dessert fare, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve got a live goldfish in my mouth.
§ The teachers make the kids do everything and it is HIGH-larious. They are constantly sweeping. They wash the teachers’ dishes and empty all the garbage cans. They cleaned up the English department after the painters left everything a giant mess. As a teacher, I love this! But if things had been this way when I was in high school, I would have been pissed.
§ Being able to handle spicy foods in America means nothing over here. Uncle Lon – you would love it. The rest of you – if you don’t say “mai pet,” which means “not spicy,” you will be in so much pain you will wish for death. Preferably a water-related death.
§ Women are not allowed to touch monks. I think it has something to do with a vow of chastity maybe? Anyhow, every time I see a monk, I picture MC Hammer dancing next to the monk all, “can’t touch this!” which makes me giggle.
§ Entirely appropriate segue: They sell pants over here that look just like Hammer Pants. I’m totally getting a pair.
§ The other day, in an entirely successful attempt to make our lives seem normal, Carlyn and I watched Rocky Horror Picture Show. So now, when my head isn’t filled with Hammer-related nonsense, its singing “Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch Me.” This is not constructive. Nor is saying “Damnit, Janet,” after every single sentence, but whaddya gonna do?
§ The heat is making my pens explode. That is not a euphemism.
To be continued.
I see you shiver with
But you’ll just have to wait J
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